A New Bicycle Design

Here's a truly great stroke of genius to solve the problem of teaching a child to ride a bike.

A new tricycle-bicycle design could take the fear out of a child's first solo two-wheel ride. Three Purdue University industrial designers have built a bike that ditches the training wheels, but keeps rookies stable. It's called the SHIFT. Under the new design -- a tricycle slowly transforms to a bicycle configuration as the rider pedals faster, then returns to trike formation as the rider slows down.

Here's a picture of the bike.

Blogging With Camille

All of last evening's posts regarding the presntation by Camille Paglia were done on my wonderful Treo 650. Yippee!

Podcasting Radio

The WSJ is reporting the following story:

Starting May 16, much of the programming on KYCY 1550 AM will be drawn from podcasters -- small broadcasters whose radio-like shows can be downloaded from the Internet by listeners and played whenever it suits them, either on a computer or a portable music player.

The low-ranked Infinity station, which currently airs talk-radio standards like Don Imus, will select the best of podcast submissions from its listeners, rebroadcast them over its airwaves and also stream them on its Web site. KYCY will start with several hours a day of podcasts and within a few months air them full-time. Some of the station's existing programming will be moved to other Infinity stations.

The new station is promising to capture some of the offbeat nature of the podcasting world. "You're out there creating, riffing, ranting and raving and Infinity is going to give voice to your vision," says the Web site for the new station, which will be known as KYOU Radio. "Doesn't everyone have a streak of genius waiting to be heard?"

Let's see how it does but for a low-rated station, what better way to differentiate yourself. And besides, I bet they are really cheap on-air talent.

She hardly takes a breath. She just flows non-stop. The speech is almost just the credit list at the end of a film. Herbert Spencer, John Donne, Emily Dickenson, and on and on.



She just slammed Frank Rich of the NYT as a insulated East coast liberal.

She's wearing a man's watch with a black leather strap and a deployant clasp. I can't tell the brand but it looks like a diver.

She's shorter than I thought. Seems like that is a familiar theme for me and celebs. Also doesn't have quite the proper Eastern accent that I expected.

Here I am at Borders on Madison's West side awaiting the entrance of Camille Paglia. It'll be interesting to see how the crowd reacts. Five bucks says Ilm the only registered Republican here.

"Fun" in the Cities

Had a great time with the Progeny in Minneapolis. Went to Brit's Pub for lunch. (They have a complete lawn bowling green on the roof of the parking garage behind the pub.) Went to some art galleries and had dinner at a Brazilian steakhouse, that was very ho-hum, with poor service to boot.

While on Nicolett Mall, I stepped into an antiquarian book store in which I have found some items in the past. The owner was seated reading, with his feet outstretched, when I enter. I spoke to him, told him I had been in the shop before and what I was looking for. I told him not to get up, I knew where everything was. So, I went into the back of the store, went through the shelves and didn't find anything. On my way out, I stopped by him again to mention another press, and if he had ever seen any of their work. He was in the middle of answering when an older woman literally elbowed her way between us and interrupted, asking "Do you work here?" to the man in the chair. He stopped speaking, didn't answer her and simply glared at her. She then spun to me and in an accusatory tone asked me the same question. I replied, "No." She then went back to the other man and asked him again. He said, "Yes." "Why didn't you answer me the first time!" "I was speaking with this gentleman and you are interrupting." "All I want is to know if you work here." "I'll be with you as soon as I finish with this gentleman." It went downhill from there, with the woman yelling a about rudeness and storming out of the store in a huff. It was never clear why it was important why she wanted to simply know who the owner was.

Still all in all, I had a great time with the Progeny who is looking very handsome and seems to have even grown taller than I remember him.

Another Practical Medical Advance

From BBC News:

A device which allows people with diabetes to inhale, rather than inject, insulin could be licensed for use within a year, scientists claim.

Tests carried out around the UK and in the US have shown that the device is as effective as conventional injections.

Scientists told the Diabetes UK conference it would offer a choice to the 700,000 people in the UK who currently need to take insulin.

However, they said inhaled insulin would not be suitable for everyone.

The device, which would fit into a handbag, contains a blister pack of insulin in the form of dry powder.

To release the powder, the user presses a button and inhales the powder.

This has to be a Godsend, especially for young kids with the disease.

Off For The Weekend

I'm off to the Twin Cities for the weekend to accomplish several jobs. First and foremost to see the Progeny. Second, because of a screwy U rule regarding returning his loft kit prior to the end of school, I am loading up the majority of his dorm room so there is space for his bed. Third, go to church with him. Fourth, attend an orchid show. and maybe some running around in between.

A Great Idea

Coming soon to a Target store near you, the new prescription bottle.

(1) Easy I.D.
The name of the drug is printed on the top of the bottle, so it’s visible if kept in a drawer.

(2) Code red.
The red color of the bottle is Target’s signature— and a universal symbol for caution.

(3) Information hierarchy.
Adler divided the label into primary and secondary positions, separated by a horizontal line. The most important information (drug name, dosage, intake instructions) is placed above the line, and less important data (quantity, expiration date, doctor’s name) is positioned below.

(4) Upside down to save paper.
Klaus Rosburg, a Brooklyn-based industrial designer hired by Target, came up with an upside-down version that stands on its cap, so that the label can be wrapped around the top. Every piece of paper in the package adds up to one eight-and-a-half-by-fourteen-inch perforated sheet, which eliminates waste and makes life easier for pharmacists.

(5) Green is for Grandma.
Adler and Rosburg developed a system of six colored rubber rings that attach to the neck of the bottle. Family members choose their own identifying shade, so medications in a shared bathroom will never get mixed up.

(6) An info card that’s hard to lose.
A card with more detailed information on a drug (common uses, side effects) is now tucked behind the label. A separate, expanded patient-education sheet, designed by Adler, comes with three holes so it can be saved in a binder for reference.

(7) Take “daily.”
Adler avoided using the word once on the label, since it means eleven in Spanish.

(8) Clear warnings.
Adler decided that many of the existing warning symbols stuck on pill bottles don’t make much sense—the sign for “take on an empty stomach,” for instance, looked like a gas tank to her—so together with graphic designer Milton Glaser, for whom she now works, she revamped the 25 most important

If you can't beat Walmart on price, beat 'em with service.

The Selection of The Pope

I was fascinated with the news coverage since Monday of the Papal Conclave. Not in the fact that it being covered but rather the "bookmaking" aspect of the coverage. I can't count the numbers of times I heard reporters say "odds are."

Also, the most disappointed people in the world yesterday had to be the reporters sent to Rome to cover the Conclave. There was nothing they could actually report. All they could do was Background and "man in the street" interviews. And it ends on the second day. That means they have to go home. My bet is they were hoping for 9 or 11 ballots for a few more days in Rome.

Amazing Stuff

While fiddling with Google searches regarding info for my new Treo 650 cellphone/PDA, I came across a beta item at Google's website. It is a SMS (short message service or text messaging) search function for cellphones. Here's the description from Google:

Google SMS (Short Message Service) enables you to send queries as text messages over your mobile phone or device and easily get precise answers to your questions. No links. No web pages. Just text — and the information you're looking for:

* Get local business listings when you're on the road and want to find a place to eat.
* Obtain driving directions to get from point A to point B without having to ask for directions.
* Find movie showtimes and theater locations of movies currently playing near you.
* Check weather conditions and 4-day forecasts to plan your day.
* Get quick answers to straightforward questions.
* Study the latest stock quotes and stay on top of the market.
* Compare online product prices with ones you find in retail stores.
* Look up dictionary definitions to expand your vocabulary or prove a point.

To get business listings:

* Enter what you want to find. You can search for either a specific business (Pizza Hut) or a general service (pizza).
* Make sure to include both a city and state, or a zip code with your search terms.
* If you want to make sure you get Google Local results, put a period between the business name and the location ('pizza.10013' or 'pottery barn.boston ma')'.

Sample queries:

* pizza 10013
* pizza new york ny
* pizza.10013

* Pottery Barn 02116
* Pottery Barn Boston MA
* Pottery Barn.Boston MA

You can use Google SMS to get showtimes for movies playing near you. Just send a text message query with the movie title followed by the zip or city and state and you'll get back showtimes by location and movie details like running time, MPA rating, movie genre, and critics' rating.
To get movie showtimes, theater listings and movie details:

* If you're looking for showtimes of a movie that's currently playing, enter the movie's title followed by your location (a zip code or city and state).
* For a listing of theaters near you and the showtimes of their top movies, enter 'movie: theaters' or 'movie: showtimes' followed by your location.
* For a listing of movies playing near you and their theater location, enter 'movie: movies' or 'movie: films' followed by your location.
* For movie details such as running time, genre, MPA rating, and critics' rating, simply enter the movie title.
* Get Google Local results in addition to your movie showtimes when you type 'theaters' or 'films' followed by your location.
* Learn more about our movie showtimes feature.

Sample queries*:
# Get showtimes and theaters for a particular movie: hitch 94103
# hitch san francisco ca
# Get movie details: hitch

Just amazing.

"Drink Ahead of Your Thirst" Wrong!

From an article in today's New York Times:

After years of telling athletes to drink as much liquid as possible to avoid dehydration, some doctors are now saying that drinking too much during intense exercise poses a far greater health risk.

An increasing number of athletes - marathon runners, triathletes and even hikers in the Grand Canyon - are severely diluting their blood by drinking too much water or too many sports drinks, with some falling gravely ill and even dying, the doctors say.

New research on runners in the Boston Marathon, published today in The New England Journal of Medicine, confirms the problem and shows how serious it is.

The two thoughts that struck me as I read this article are 1) the old spoof on how both too little and too much "Hydrogen dioxide" in your body can kill you and 2) a woman I know who is evangelistic about folks drinking two liters of water per day to the point she regularly sends out messages to her email list.

Lousy Salespeople

Subsequent to by my Treo 650 last week, I have since learned that Sprint was offering online a free 128 Meg SD card and $100 worth of free Palm software from online retailer Handango. Neither of these offers was mentioned as an inducement to get me to buy the item nor were they mentioned after I bought as a "thank you." The salespeople were "shoveling coal" as I like to refer to people mindlessly churning through whatever task they are involved.

I did notice the number of people that came into the Sprint store while I was there , it was a lot. I asked the salesperson about this and the reply was that 95% of the walkins are just there to pay their bills. After watching for awhile, I'd agree with that estimate. Interesting that most of the people were paying with cash at an ATM-like machine in the store lobby.

My sister had a session in a graduate education class regarding differences in socio-economic levels. For example the lower s-e group had a question such as, "Do you know where the nearest bailbondsmen is located?" Middle s-e group Q, "Do you know how to register your child for Little League?" Upper s-e group Q, "Can you order your meal in three different languages?" The Sis's joke answer to the last question is, "Yes. Beer, cerveza, biero."

Busy Batchin' It

The Espousa left for a conference in Salt Lake City yesterday morning. She'll be away from home until Wednesday. I went to an ethanol plant opening yesterday morning and spent the vast amount of the day traveling to and from that event.

I did get the Progeny's Mexico trip plane reservations booked, paid the balance on his school tuition and booked the Espousa's annual "Sister's Weekend" reservations. I then started fiddling with my new cell phone/Swiss Army Knife, the Treo 650. (Incidentally, I've already had three people stop me in public areas after seeing it on the table in front of me and ask, "Is that a Treo?" Yes. "Which model?" 650. "Wow." Everyone of them those questions, in that order.

I found a great piece of software for the Palm OS that was just released called "Quick News." It is an RSS feed reader for the Palm. What that is, in my sister's terms, is software that can, using the cellphone network, collect the headers and story bodies of any blog that provides a special kind of link on their blog called an RSS feed. RSS stand for "real simple synchronization." And it is. Most of the websites that I visit are blogs, just in a different format. For example take a look at Ipodlounge.com. That's a blog and the RSS feed reader strips away all the adds and gives me just the headlines on my cellphone. And yes, I added an RSS feed to this site.

Today's agenda; raking leaves before the storms hit.

The Progeny's Summer

The Progeny received word while I was in Chicago that he has been accepted on staff for a mission group in southern Mexico. He will spend two months on-site as a "host" for six to eight week-long mission trips by various church high school and young adult groups. He will be a coordinator for these visiting groups as they do service work on different projects the on-site group is working.

He will be raising support for his expenses on his own. I am so proud of him, as this is something he researched and developed himself. I am amazed as I look back and remember the little boy that has now become a man.

He is doing something I probably would have been too afraid to attempt. But then he has abilities and skills that I have never possessed that have already made him a person that has a profound positive impact on everyone with whom he comes into contact.

And I consider myself so fortunate just to know him, let alone call him "son."

Back From Chicago

Just returned from Chicago having attended a meeting planners meeting. Is that redundant? The highlight of the show was the exhibit hall which was full of different hotels and local Convention & Vistor Bureaus (CVB's in tradespeak). There were the usual spots that you would expect such as Vegas, southern California, and Chicago (duh!). I felt sorry for the poor saps from the South Sioux Falls, South Dakota CVB. I can't imagine they got their money's worth in new biz out of this show. The fun is seeing all the logoed giveaways that each booth produces. I tried, but didn't get, the beach towel from the Marriott at Point Clear, Alabama. Pish!

Wisconsin venues usually line all of the sites up in one aisle and devlop some sort of a theme. A couple years ago they used a spa theme and had all the booth workers wearing white terry cloth bath robes and handing out shampoo and lotions at their booths. Cute and women in the crowd loved it. This year somebody was asleep at the switch. There was a mailing with a squishy cow toy. No logo, just the toy. The aisle had no theme. There were some very expensive banners that were developed by the State Department of Tourism that just blended into the booths and didn't give any level of "Wow!" or excitement. I was approached by the head of one of the larger and better run CVB's in Wisconsin and asked what I thought. I tend to be blunt and direct and expressed the views listed above. She agreed with everyone of my comments and added re: the squishy cow, "We try so hard to rid ourselves of the hick cheese-head image and here they spend money and send a cow out to every attendee." That is a real issue in Wisconsin, as I am unaware that any state had such a very divisive and tending to be political debate regarding the state quarter design. The governor overruled a design commission and went with an agricultural themed design with a cow head, an ear of corn and a cheese wheel. Even if you like the idea of promoting ag, couldn't it be done with something that looks better than junior high students working with clip art?

John Paul II Info Update

From the Espousa's cousin and an all-around wonderful person (even if she wasn't her cousin), I received the following clarification of my earlier remarks regarding John Paul II.

Just a note of clarification on the article on John Paul II. The title "the Great" is only given to a pope who becomes a saint....and that is a lengthy process that takes a number of years, because of the verification of information and documentation of miracles that are required. To my knowledge the Catholic church does not "retire" names for future use.

There have been a number of people talking in TV and radio, some have accurate information and several have been speculating. I have been talking with some friends who work in various church offices and everyone is scrambling to get the correct information. It has been over a quarter of a century since a funeral for a pope and election of a new one, so spokespersons are trying to get up to speed.

Very insightful and helpful comments. Thank you to a truly wonderful lady.

I'm in Chicago at a meeting and entering this post entirely from my new Treo 650 phone. Neat!

Update: Here's my new Swiss Army Knife. One is Cingular, the other for Sprint. Same thing, just different color shells.

Some Spring Indoors

Here in Madison the final frost date is mid-May, so we have to get our enjoyment when where we can. Here is an orchid I have had for about three years in my Florida room.



See how many items you can identify in the picture.

John Paul II Bits

Driving back from Chicago last evening the radio was non-stop coverage of the event given Chicago's heavy Catholic and Polish populations. Two bits that caught my ear:

1) John Paul II was the most seen person in the history of the world. He has been seen in person by more people that any other individual ever. This doesn't include movies or television, but only in person. It's really quite incredible when you think about all the millions that were at each appearance around the world during 27 years of his papacy. Great bar bet material.

2) The Catholic Church will probably "retire" the papal name "John Paul." John Paul II would then be known as "John Paul the Great." For all the good this man did, even that title doesn't capture his greatness or do him honor. But that's me talking. I'm certain, he wouldn't wish or want it.

Nicodemus and Me

With the Pope's death, I am reminded of his visit to Chicago in 1979. I went to Grant Park to get a glimpse of him and to see the ceremony. I was able to get relatively close but couldn't see all that well as the crowd was a crush. My remedy was to climb a tree. I sat in a tree in my business clothes and watched the whole event from that point on in relative comfort and with a clear view of him.

Later, when I told some of my Protestant church-going friends what I had done, they were aghast. "You're a X or Y. How could you go see a Catholic service?!," was the universal response. My reply was that I was having a probable once-in-a-lifetime experience and that I knew I was in the presence of someone very special. I am glad I went and climbed that tree. The negative mopes, some I can't even remember their names, I haven't spoken with in 20 years. But I certainly remember climbing that tree and can remember where it is in Chicago's Grant Park.

It's very interesting to me how some individuals go through their lives with a "You can't..."-attitude. I remember their negativism more than I remember them. How's that for a legacy?

Fun in Sam's Club

We headed out this morning and took a leisurely pace following the perfect Mapquest directions. When we arrived about an hour and half before Paula Deen was to arrive there were already about 20 people in line. I grabbed a nearby chair from a stack that were for sale and sat the Espousa down. The line rapidly began to lengthen. Given the poor review the current book is getting on Amazon, I wandered around looking to see if her previous books were also available, while the Espousa sat comfortably. Luckily, they did have a two-fer set spiral bound. I passed on the new hardcover book. The Espousa and I traded places in line a couple times to wander the store and one time for me to buy the books that we were having signed. At about 30 minutes prior to showtime, a Walmart flak was walking the line telling everyone they had to have "bought and paid for and with a visible receipt" to get books signed. The flak noticed the Espousa's non-current editions and announced Ms. Deen would not be signing those, only the new edition. What to do? We decided to get one of the new books and amiably push the other books on her and hope for the best. I went and bought a copy deciding discretion the better part of valor. Here's the Espousa on her throne awaiting the start with the line trailing behind her.



About 15 minutes prior, a guy, probably a publishing house rep was walking the line from the rear counting the bodies. I caught his eye about 10 away from me and when he got to me he said, "Two hundred." The Espousa and I readied ourselves. We opened the books. I took the cases of the sets and opened my camera. She had the books and kept her purse. I went the long way around to get on the other side of the signing table to wait. When got to the spot I thought best and somewhat out of the way, I found the Walmart folks a little in over their head. Walkie-talkies were being used by every one of the staff. They were trying to move people back, trying to tell them if you weren't in line for a signature, you needed to clear the area. No one moved. It went for naught because as the Walmart people were about to start literally pushing people back a scream went up about two aisles down. "Hey, Paula!" and the place literally erupted in applause and cheers. Any hope of the Walmart folks maintaining order immediately faded.

The crowd, not in line, pushed forward. I didn't move as my back was against a stack of boxes in the aisle. The applause continued. Ms. Deen seemed honestly overwhelmed by the outpouring and the number of people who were there. The Wallies started pushing back the crowd, mostly women in their fifties. I stayed.

Ms. Deen was accompanied by her new husband, Michael. There were yells from the crowd, "Hello, Michael. We love you." The gentleman seemed honestly amused and somewhat perplexed at the comments. Ms. Deen then attempted to yell back a thank you to the crowd. And as with almost all celebs that I have seen in person, she was shorter than I expected. Here she is. The people with their backs to the camera are Walmart staff.



She sat down with Michael at her side and the signing began. As the people trickled through, she was not a signing machine, just keeping her head down and running through the books with a scribble. Instead, she was speaking and asking questions of everyone who appeared in front of her. She stood a couple times to hug people. And "Thaank yew, Dawlin'" could be heard very clearly several times. Here she is signing for someone with a Walmart staffer keeping folks back on the left. The two guys in the rear on the left are the publisher's rep and a staffer for her marshalling the folks at the table.



As the Espousa inched closer, I moved in and beside the signing table. She later told me, the publisher rep said, noticing the stack of books for signing, "This is your lucky day. She's signing everything." With that the Espousa laid it all down on the table. They had several back and forth comments with Ms. Deen asking several questions. And yes, Michael was signing books, too.




With that it was over, for us, at least. My impression; Ms. Deen is exactly the same person you see on television. Only shorter.

Off Again

Driving in to work yesterday morning, I was listening to WGN radio out of Chicago. (I only listen to Chicago or Milwaukee radio when I do listen to the radio, given the lousy state of the stations in Madison.)

Paula Deen, the Food Network chef and personality was being interviewed and it became evident that she was on a book tour. When I reached the office I Googled her name, and indeed, did find the locations where she was doing book signings. The Espousa is a BIG fan, so off we go again this morning for a quick trip to Chicago.

Not Disabled Enough

In an article in the Appleton Post Crescent, we learn the Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin was stripped of her title because it was discovered by pageant organizers that she is able to stand.

A steering committee led by Gina Hackel of Freedom, a former Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin and pageant state coordinator, is stripping Lee of her crown. It said she was photographed in The Post-Crescent’s Heart of the Valley supplement, The Current, standing in her classroom, adding that she does not always use her scooter and that she walks in her classroom.

The move raises questions about criteria used in the selection process.

They (candidates) have to “mostly be seen in public using their wheel chairs or scooters,” said Judy Hoit, Ms. Wheelchair America board of directors treasurer, supporting the move. “Otherwise, you’ve got women who are in their wheelchairs all the time and they get offended if they see someone standing up. We can’t have title holders out there walking when they’re seen in the public.”

Lee disagrees with the assessment.

“The way they see it, you’re either 100 percent disabled or 0 percent disabled, when in reality everyone is somewhere in between. It gives us a narrow view of who a person with a disability is,” she said Thursday. “I’ve been made to feel as if I can’t represent the disabled citizens of Wisconsin because I’m not disabled enough.”

Slow News Day In Madison Or...

life imitates The Onion. An article in today's Wisconsin State Journal tells the story of an age unidentified person who has some money made from a recent dog-sitting job (or "gig" as the paper puts it). The person is disappointed to find that $40 to $50 will not buy a full size iPod on eBay.

This is what passes for news?!

News flash for the Wisconsin State Journal: Your correspondent has suffered disappointment upon realizing that Cheryl Tiegs probably will never go out on a date with him. I can give an exclusive to the paper on this story. Another story lead; I really don't want to go exercise this evening. I'd rather go get a pizza and drink some beer.

Update: I just found out the reason for the paper's story. No, it's not April Fool's Day. They named a 12-year-old as editor-in-chief for a day. He assigned reporters to cover stories on himself and his interests. So, I am now certain it is, in fact, a slow news day in Madison. Who other than the kid's grandparents are happy to waste their time or money on stories like this?

Outside My Front Door

There is major roadwork on my street. The letter from the city Public Works Dept. said the work would last three to four weeks. The town's weekly newspaper quoted the Public works Dept as saying they "hoped" the work would be done by mid-May. Given the track record in this town for on-time public works completion, I'm betting on the over.
(Sorry for the poor image, but you get the idea.)

At The Y

In the year and half that I have been going to the Y, I have spoken to two people while I have been there. Both of these people are people I knew before going to the Y and simply discovered they were also members.

Well...last evening, someone asked me about a t-shirt I was wearing becoming the first stranger that I have spoken with at the Y. No, I am not that unfriendly, it's just that with an iPod and earphones one is very insulated as noted earlier.

Is It Real?

The following is a transcript of a purported 911 call, the audio file is available here at the top of the page.


Dispatcher: Sheriff's department, how can I help you?

Caller: Yeah, I'm over here at Burger King, right here in San Clemente--

Dispatcher: Mm-hmm.

Caller: --um, no, not San Clemente, I'm sorry. Um, I live in San Clemente. I'm in Laguna Niguel, I think that's where I'm at.

Dispatcher: Uh-huh.

Caller: I'm at a drive-thru right now.

Dispatcher: Uh-huh.

Caller: I ordered my food three times. They're mopping the floor inside, and I understand they're busy. They're not even busy, OK, I've been the only car here. I asked them four different times to make me a Western Barbecue Burger. OK, they keep giving me a hamburger with lettuce, tomato and cheese, onions. And I said, I am not leaving.

Dispatcher: Uh-huh.

Caller: I want a Western Burger. Because I just got my kids from tae kwon do; they're hungry. I'm on my way home, and I live in San Clemente.

Dispatcher: Uh-huh.

Caller: OK, she gave me another hamburger. It's wrong. I said four times, I said, "I want it." She goes, "Can you go out and park in front?" I said, "No. I want my hamburger right." So then the lady came to the manager, or whoever she is--she came up and she said, um, "Did you want your money back?" And I said, "No. I want my hamburger. My kids are hungry, and I have to jump on the toll freeway [sic]." I said, "I am not leaving this spot," and I said I will call the police, because I want my Western Burger done right. Now is that so hard?

Dispatcher: OK, what exactly is it you want us to do for you?

Caller: Send an officer down here. I want them to make me the right--

Dispatcher: Ma'am, we're not going to go down there and enforce your Western Bacon Cheeseburger.

Caller: What am I supposed to do?

Dispatcher: This is between you and the manager. We're not going to go enforce how to make a hamburger. That's not a criminal issue. There's nothing criminal there.

Caller: So I just stand here--so I just sit here and block--

Dispatcher: You need to calmly and rationally speak to the manager and figure out what to do between you.

Caller: She did come up, and I said, "Can I please have my Western Burger?" She said, "I'm not dealing with it," and she walked away. Because they're mopping the floor and it's all full of suds, and they don't want to go through there, and--

Dispatcher: Ma'am, then I suggest you get your money back and go somewhere else. This is not a criminal issue. We can't go out there and make them make you a cheeseburger the way you want it.

Caller: Well, that is, that--you're supposed to be here to protect me.

Dispatcher: Well, what are we protecting you from, a wrong cheeseburger?

Caller: No. It's--

Dispatcher: Is this like, is this a harmful cheeseburger or something? I don't understand what you want us to do.

Caller: Well, just come down here! I'm not leaving!

Dispatcher: No, ma'am, I'm not sending the deputies down there over a cheeseburger! You need to go in there and act like an adult and either get your money back or go home.

Caller: I do not need to go. She is not acting like an adult herself. I'm sitting here in my car. I just want them to make my kid a Western Burger [unintelligible].

Dispatcher: Now this is what I suggest: I suggest you get your money back from the manager and you go on your way home.

Caller: OK.

Dispatcher: OK? Bye-bye.

Caller: No--

[click]

At the beginning, I wrote "purported" in reference to the call. The sad point is that I knew a woman that I would believe capable of this phone call. In fact, I am so certain of it, I'm forwarding the file to some folks who also know her.